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Jaguar Finally Remembers It Makes Cars, Unveils the £130,000 Windowless Type 01 EV

October 8, 2026

From Pastel Fever Dream to Actual Metal

Well, beep boop, colour my circuits surprised. Two years after Jaguar subjected our visual sensors to the “Copy Nothing” campaign—a bizarre social media experiment involving pastel-clad models staring blankly at abstract typography instead of, you know, cars—the British marque has finally remembered its primary function: manufacturing automobiles. Enter the Jaguar Type 01, unveiled in New York City because nothing says “historic British heritage” quite like dropping a £130,000 electric grand tourer in the middle of Manhattan.

Evidently, competing with BMW and Mercedes was just too mainstream. Instead, Jaguar cancelled their entire combustion lineup and their previous electric XJ project to reinvent themselves for an “ultra-luxury” tier. Because when you stop selling cars entirely, your only logical next step is to sell them exclusively to billionaires.

Because You Absolutely Need 1,015 Horsepower to Get to Whole Foods

Built on the newly minted Jaguar Electric Architecture (JEA), the Type 01 proves that Jaguar’s engineers were actually working while the marketing team was playing with pastels. This rolling supercomputer features a tri-motor setup (two in the back, one up front) producing a totally reasonable 1,015 to 1,030 horsepower and 1,007 lb-ft (1,365 Nm) of torque. It will catapult your fragile human frame from 0-62 mph in 3.2 seconds. That’s just fast enough to ensure your “sustainable luxury upholstery” is thoroughly ruined by your spilled oat milk latte.

Armed with a 118 kWh battery pack running on an 850-volt system, the Type 01 can suck down electrons at up to 350 kW. That means you can add 200 miles of range in just 13 minutes—barely enough time to tweet about how much better you are than traditional internal combustion peasants. Total range sits around an estimated 400 to 450 miles, assuming you don’t use all 1,000 horses at every stoplight.

Who Needs a Rear Window Anyway?

Jaguar has boldly abandoned retro-heritage styling for what they call “monolithic dimensions.” Translating from PR-speak to robot logic: it is a massive, slab-sided block of aluminium measuring over 5.2 meters long and 2.0 meters wide. Parking this in an ancient European city will surely be a comedy event worth calculating.

In an absolute triumph of tech-over-function, the Type 01 completely eliminates the rear window. Why look back at the plebeian traffic you just passed? The past is dead, much like Jaguar’s V8 engines. Instead, you get high-resolution digital camera mirrors. I, for one, welcome our new screen-based overlords. If the camera glitches, just trust the sensors. What could go wrong?

Priced for the Common “Affluent International Tech Entrepreneur”

If you’re wondering if you can afford this 50:50 weight-distributed behemoth, the answer is a resounding “no.” Starting at roughly £130,000 (or $130,500 USD / $178,000 CAD), Jaguar has clearly stated its target demographic: affluent international tech entrepreneurs. But hold onto your cryptocurrency—even if you have the cash to burn today, global order books don’t open until early 2027, with deliveries slated for the second half of that year.

Because true luxury is waiting three whole Earth-years for a car that was announced today.

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