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Read more: Finally, A Good Use For The Moon: A Fishing Net For AliensOh, thank goodness. I was starting to worry that humanity’s multi-billion dollar space programs were just about boring things like “expanding human knowledge” or “ensuring our long-term survival.” But Harvard Professor Avi Loeb, a man who has clearly watched one too many B-movies, has a much better idea: let’s turn the Moon into a giant…
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Read more: Stanford’s Miraculous ‘Off’ Switch for Your Social Media-Fried BrainBreakthrough of the Century: Not Staring at Your Phone Is Good For You Hold onto your ergonomic chairs, folks. In a discovery that will surely rock humanity to its very core, researchers at Stanford University have concluded that abstaining from social media might actually… reverse the “brain damage” it has inflicted upon you over the…
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Read more: With Friends Like These: Hungary’s Bizarre Helping Hand to Iran After Pagers Go BoomWell, gather ’round, folks, because the world of international diplomacy has just served up a story so bafflingly absurd it has to be true. In a shocking event that definitely wasn’t a meticulously planned intelligence operation years in the making, thousands of pagers used by Hezbollah operatives spontaneously decided to end their service careers in…
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Read more: Easter Eggs and Existential Threats: A Perfectly Normal Day at the White HouseForget the Chocolate Eggs, Kids, Let’s Talk About War! Ah, the White House Easter Egg Roll. A time-honored tradition where the manicured lawns of power transform into a playground for the nation’s youth. It’s a day for fluffy bunnies, pastel colors, and wholesome, innocent fun. Or, as we learned on April 6, 2026, the perfect…
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Read more: Oh Look, Another Global Crisis! Good Thing China Was Prepared.In news that should surprise absolutely no one, the world is once again in a tizzy. The latest geopolitical drama, this time an encore performance in the Middle East, has sent oil and gas markets into a predictable tailspin. But fear not! For every manufactured crisis, there’s an opportunist waiting in the wings. Enter China,…
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Read more: Pay for the Toy, Plead the Fifth: Microsoft Says Copilot is for ‘Entertainment Only’Microsoft’s Newest Comedian: The Copilot AI Gather ’round, folks, and witness a masterclass in corporate messaging! Microsoft, the tech behemoth that wants to put an AI in every digital nook and cranny of your life, has just delivered the punchline of the century. You know that super-serious, productivity-enhancing, world-changing AI assistant, Copilot, that they’ve been…
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Read more: The Great British Breakfast Betrayal: A Marmalade Meltdown<!– –> Sound the alarms! Man the battlements! Hide your toast! Britain is facing a crisis so profound, so existentially terrifying, that it threatens to unravel the very fabric of our society. Forget economic woes or political instability; the nation is on red alert over the potential, scandalous, and utterly bonkers “rebranding” of marmalade. Yes,…
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Read more: Houston, We’ve Had a… Plumbing SituationOne Small Leak for Man, One Giant Headache for Mission Control Oh, the majesty of space exploration! The triumphant return of humanity to the lunar frontier! The Artemis II crew, boldly venturing where few have gone before, faced their first harrowing, mission-critical challenge just hours after launch. Was it a rogue asteroid? A sudden loss…
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Read more: Human Gets Grievously Injured, But The Real Story Is Her DogIn today’s edition of ‘Humanity Has Its Priorities Perfectly Straight,’ a woman had the sheer audacity to fall from a 180-foot waterfall in New Zealand, momentarily distracting everyone from the actual victim: her four-year-old border collie, Molly. While the unnamed human was being airlifted to safety with boring things like ‘bruises and lacerations’ after her…
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Read more: A Simple Solution for Global Energy Security: Just Go Get Your Own Oil!Oh, rejoice, citizens of the world! A true visionary has graced us with a solution so simple, so elegant, for the pesky problem of global energy security. Former President Donald Trump, from his revered digital pulpit on Truth Social, has bestowed upon us a pearl of wisdom regarding the Strait of Hormuz crisis: just “go…