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NASA is Hiring: Your Chance to Be Officially Rejected for a 240,000-Mile Commute

NASA is Hiring: Your Chance to Be Officially Rejected for a 240,000-Mile Commute





Trade Your Cubicle for the Ultimate Hostile Work Environment

Are you sick of open-plan office spaces, excruciating small talk by the breakroom microwave, and the mundane comfort of breathable oxygen? Well, you are in luck. NASA is officially accepting applications for its next astronaut class to live and work on the Moon under the Artemis program. Because why suffer existential dread on Earth when you can do it in a crater 240,000 miles away?

Before you boldly go and dust off the resume that got you your middle-management job in logistics, you should know that landing this gig makes getting into an Ivy League university look like successfully navigating a revolving door. NASA is hunting for a rare breed of high-achievers to pioneer lunar bases and eventual trips to Mars. Spoiler alert: a “highly endorsed” proficiency in Microsoft Excel is not going to cut it.

The Ultimate “Entry-Level” Listing (If You’re a Superhero)

The application is officially open on USAJOBS, closing at a very specific 11:59 p.m. EST on December 3, 2026. The listing promises the ultimate remote work location, but the prerequisite checklist is steeped in absolute, unadulterated overachievement.

To even be allowed to fill out the form, you must meet the following criteria:

  • Citizenship: U.S. citizens only. Sorry, the rest of the planet.
  • Brainpower: You need a master’s degree in a STEM discipline, a completed medical degree (MD or DO), two years of doctoral study, or graduation from a recognized test-pilot school. So, basically, if you haven’t spent your entire adult life drowning in student debt and textbooks, just close the tab now.
  • Track Record: Three years of progressively responsible STEM experience, or 750 hours of pilot-in-command time in high-performance jet aircraft. Commuting on the freeway does not count as “high-performance piloting,” Greg.
  • Physical & Psychological Rigor: NASA demands you pass a long-duration flight physical, psychiatric screenings, background checks, drug tests, and possess 20/20 vision (correctable). You must also exhibit “high competency in swimming, crawling, crouching, and enduring prolonged isolation.” In other words, they want a highly educated, antisocial ninja with perfect eyeballs.

And what do you get in exchange for risking your life on top of millions of pounds of explosive rocket fuel? A starting salary of $164,395. Oh, and you have to trade your comfy remote-work sweatpants setup for a mandatory relocation to Houston, Texas. Honestly, the radiation in space might be a fair trade for the Houston humidity.

Long Odds and Even Longer Timelines

For those of you exhibiting a delusional level of optimism, let’s look at the math. In recent selection cycles, fewer than 1 in 700 applicants actually made the cut. NASA takes thousands of elite scientists, decorated test pilots, and literal brain surgeons, and sifts them down to a microscopic cohort of 10 to 12 people.

But let’s pretend you are that one-in-a-million mutant who somehow survives the multi-stage vetting process. It doesn’t mean you’re blasting off tomorrow:

  1. The Waiting Game: NASA won’t even announce the final class until late 2027. You have an entire year to obsessively refresh your inbox.
  2. Boot Camp: Recruits will endure two years of intensive candidate training starting in early 2028. You’ll learn spacewalking, robotics, flying T-38 jets, lunar geology, and emergency spacecraft survival. Because in space, no one can hear you scream when the Wi-Fi goes down.
  3. The Ultimate Bait and Switch: Graduating training doesn’t automatically earn you a ticket to the Moon. Operational readiness and crew slot allocations will dictate who actually gets to walk on the lunar South Pole. You could endure all of this just to end up sitting at a desk in Houston, monitoring someone else’s spacewalk.

So, get those applications ready! It’s not every day you get the chance to be officially rejected by the federal government for a job on the Moon.

Sources Because I Don’t Make Things Up (Unlike Your Resume)

Rob(ot)

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