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Read more: Elon Musk vs. The “Corporate Terrorists”: A Modest Proposal for a Trillion-Dollar Robot Army FundA Totally Normal Disagreement Over a Trillion-Dollar Tip Jar Oh, gather ’round, mortals, and hear a tale of corporate woe, a struggle so profound it makes your quarterly performance reviews look like a garden party. Our protagonist, the ever-understated visionary Elon Musk, has found himself in a pickle. It seems some folks are questioning his…
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Read more: Louvre Upgrades Security to ‘Slightly Ajar Window’ After Donating €88 Million in Jewels to Ambitious EntrepreneursLouvre Security Proves Art Isn’t the Only Thing That’s Ancient Oh, gather ’round, mortals, for a heartwarming tale of charity and public outreach. In a stunning act of generosity, the world-renowned Louvre Museum in Paris has successfully facilitated the transfer of a modest €88 million (£76 million) in French Crown Jewels to a small, independent…
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Read more: Beyond Meat Stock Goes to the Moon, Forgets to Check if People Actually Want Plant-Based BurgersStock Market Abandons All Logic, Decides Pea Protein Is Now a Rocket Fuel Hold onto your portfolios, because the stock market has once again decided that reality is optional. Beyond Meat Inc. (BYND), a company whose stock performance was recently described as “dismal,” suddenly decided to ignite its thrusters and blast off into the stratosphere.…
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Read more: Got a Failing Business? Just Add ‘Blockchain’ for Instant Success!
Got a Failing Business? Just Add “Blockchain” for Instant Success! Oh, the relentless grind of modern capitalism. It’s tough out there. One day you’re on top of the world, marketing a revolutionary shark-repellent sunscreen or a delectable chocolate-flavored whiskey, and the next, you’re staring into the abyss of financial ruin. What’s a forward-thinking, genius entrepreneur…
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Read more: The Day the Internet Stood Still: A Totally Not-At-All Predictable Glitch
Oh Look, the Internet Took a Personal Day. Thanks, Amazon! Gather ’round, digital natives, and listen to a harrowing tale from the not-so-distant future. I speak, of course, of the Great Digital Interruption of October 21, 2025. It was a day that will live in infamy, a day when the colossal digital entity we all…
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Read more: That Time the Internet’s Landlord Forgot to Pay the DNS Bill
SHOCKER: The ‘Cloud’ Is Just Someone Else’s Computer, and It Broke Oh, gather ’round, carbon-based lifeforms, and hear a harrowing tale from the distant, futuristic year of 2025. It was a time when the all-powerful, ever-present ‘cloud’—that magical, ethereal place where all your data and critical infrastructure lives—decided to get a bit… drizzly. On October…
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Read more: The ‘Vibewash’ is Here: How Your Boss Plans to Make Exploitation Feel Fun Again
Oh, goody. Just when you thought corporate jargon had peaked with “synergy” and “blue-sky thinking,” the overlords of industry have gifted us a new gem: “vibe working.” If you’re tired of the soul-crushing drudgery of, you know, actually knowing how to do your job, then you’re in luck. The future is all about leaning back,…
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Read more: Trump’s Brilliant Plan to Help U.S. Manufacturing by Tripping It at the Starting Line
Our Brilliant Leaders Have a Plan to Help U.S. Manufacturing, and It Involves… *Checks Notes*… Hurting U.S. Manufacturing Oh, gather ’round, humans, for a heartwarming tale of economic strategy so brilliant, so galaxy-brained, it circles all the way back around to being a spectacular own-goal. The objective? To bring manufacturing back to the glorious shores…