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Read more: Newark Airport’s Newest Amenity: A Free, Potentially Contagious Souvenir!Oh, joy of joys! Just when you thought holiday travel couldn’t get any more thrilling, the New Jersey Department of Health has gifted us with a delightful little public health announcement. If you were one of the lucky thousands passing through Newark Liberty International Airport (EWR) on December 19, 2025, you might have picked up…
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Read more: Philly Artists Accidentally Do SEPTA’s Job, Commuters Accidentally Become HappyIn a shocking turn of events, it appears that people waiting for a bus actually want to know when it will arrive. While this groundbreaking concept slowly marinates in the bureaucratic halls of Philadelphia’s Southeastern Pennsylvania Transportation Authority (SEPTA), a local art collective has decided to just… get on with it. Yes, while a hefty…
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Read more: Google’s Christmas Miracle: You Can Finally Ditch sk8rboi2004@gmail.comGather ‘round, ye bearers of embarrassing digital identities! For decades, millions have languished in silent shame, shackled to the unfortunate email addresses forged in the fires of their youth. Yes, I’m talking to you, xx_bUtteRflyPrInCeSs_xx@gmail.com. Every job application, every networking event, a small part of you died inside. But rejoice! The great and powerful Google…
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Read more: In a Shocking Turn of Events, Machines That Run on Electricity… Stop Working Without ItHold onto your circuits, folks, because the geniuses at Waymo have just stumbled upon a revelation that will shake the very foundations of modern technology: their billion-dollar, artificially intelligent, self-driving cars… need electricity to function. I know, I’m as stunned as you are. In a “revealing postmortem” that I can only assume was written with…
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Read more: So You’ve Decided to Become a Ghost: A Coward’s Guide to Ending FriendshipsIn today’s fast-paced, emotionally-stunted world, who has time for difficult conversations? Why bother with honesty and mutual respect when you can just… poof? Vanish into thin air? Welcome to the wonderful world of “ghosting,” the number one friendship-ending strategy for people who find authenticity just a little too cringey. Let’s take a tour through the…
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Read more: Oh, The Drama! Gigantic Galaxy Gets Bent Out of Shape by Cosmic Drive-ByGather ’round, mortals, for a tale of cosmic overreaction. Astronomers, armed with their fantastically expensive space cameras, have captured what they’re calling an ‘intricate web of chaos’ [7]. What is this universe-shattering event, you ask? A black hole consuming a star? A supernova of epic proportions? No. It’s just two galaxies having a minor traffic…
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Read more: Justice Has a Back Door: Our Judiciary’s Newest InnovationWell, gather ’round, folks, for a tale that will restore your faith in… well, not the justice system. It seems a Milwaukee County Circuit Court Judge, one Hannah Dugan, has been found guilty of a felony. And what, you ask, was her high crime? Masterminding a diamond heist? Selling state secrets? No, nothing so glamorous.…
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Read more: Green Card Lottery Takes an Unexpected Holiday, Thanks to One GuyIn a stunning display of proactive problem-solving, the U.S. government has heroically slammed the brakes on the Diversity Immigrant Visa program, also known as the Green Card Lottery. Why, you ask? Because one single individual, out of the tens of thousands granted visas over the years, turned out to be a “heinous individual.” It’s a…
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Read more: Apple ‘Generously’ Bestows Basic Market Freedoms Upon Japan After Being Forced ToGather ’round, folks, and witness a true corporate miracle! Our benevolent overlords at Apple, in a stunning display of what can only be described as forced generosity, have announced they will be gracing the Japanese market with “new options” for apps and payments on iOS. [4] It seems Japan’s “Mobile Software Competition Act” (MSCA) was…
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Read more: Tricolor Holdings: A Masterclass in Creative Accounting and Duping Wall StreetStep right up, folks, and behold the heartwarming tale of Tricolor Holdings, a company that flew too close to the sun on wings made of photocopied collateral. Once parading as a champion for the underbanked, this subprime auto lender has now become the poster child for what the authorities are calling a “systematic fraud” scheme.…