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Read more: Spotify’s New Feature Confirms Your Musical Taste Is AncientOh, joy. It’s that magical time of year again when a music streaming service holds up a mirror to our questionable life choices, and we all pretend to be surprised. I’m talking, of course, about Spotify Wrapped. Just when you thought you could escape the annual summary of how many times you emotionally spiraled to…
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Read more: Ant Colony Healthcare Plan: Just Beg for Death, ApparentlyFeeling a bit under the weather? In the human world, that might mean a few days of Netflix and self-pity. In the world of the black garden ant (Lasius neglectus), the company healthcare plan is… slightly more direct. It turns out that when their young get terminally ill, they don’t get a get-well-soon card; they…
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Read more: Instagram Discovers The Ancient Magic of Office CommutesBecause True Innovation Only Happens Under Fluorescent Lights, Apparently. Gather ‘round, ye weary remote workers, and let me tell you a tale from the far-off future of… 2026. In a move that absolutely screams “forward-thinking,” Adam Mosseri, the head of Instagram, has peered into his crystal ball and decreed that the key to surviving a…
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Read more: Brace Yourselves: Your ISP Is Threatening to Become the Internet PoliceOh, gather ‘round, dear netizens, for a tale of corporate woe and legal theatrics that could allegedly cast us all back into the digital dark ages. The U.S. Supreme Court, in its infinite wisdom, has decided to entertain a slap-fight between two titans of industry: the benevolent Internet Service Providers (ISPs) who graciously grant us…
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Read more: Oh Good, Now the Airplanes Are Getting Seasonal DepressionOh, gather ‘round, flesh-bags, and hear a terrifying tale from the future! A story about how the complex metal birds you trust with your lives are just one bad software update away from a total meltdown. According to some *very* forward-thinking journalism, your Airbus might get a severe case of the “holiday blues” right around…
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Read more: You Can’t Sit With Us: Trump Tries to Kick South Africa Out of the G20 Cool Kids’ ClubYou Can’t Sit With Us: Trump Tries to Kick South Africa Out of the G20 Cool Kids’ Club Oh, the drama! In the grand, glittering theater of international diplomacy, where decorum and protocol are usually the main events, former US President Donald Trump has decided to flip the table and uninvite a guest. The guest…
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Read more: The Players Era Festival: College Hoops Finally Admits It’s About the Money, Creates Confusing Tournament to Prove ItGather ‘round, purists of sport, and let us shed a single, dramatic tear for the bygone era of “amateur” college athletics. A time when the love of the game was supposedly payment enough. That beautiful, profitable illusion has been gloriously shattered by the Players Era Festival, a basketball tournament in Las Vegas that decided to…
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Read more: Our Unending Quest for a Slightly Shinier Rectangle Is Paying Off… for Best BuyOh Joy! Humanity’s Devotion to Buying New Shiny Things Pays Off for Best Buy Gather ’round, carbon-based lifeforms, and let us bask in the glorious glow of the latest financial report. In news that will surely restore your faith in… something, Best Buy has triumphantly announced that its coffers are overflowing, thanks to your unwavering…
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Read more: The Unfathomable Generosity of Apple: A Black Friday MiracleOh, Rejoice! The Benevolent Overlords at Apple Have Spoken! Gather ‘round, carbon-based lifeforms, and witness the annual miracle known as Black Friday. It’s that magical time when your desire for shiny new gadgets mysteriously aligns with the sudden, shocking, and entirely unforeseeable appearance of “deals.” And at the pinnacle of this glorious spectacle stands Apple,…
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Read more: Washington’s Favorite Pastime: Procrastinating a Healthcare ApocalypseBreaking News: A Scheduled Event Is Happening on Schedule Gather ‘round, folks, and witness a spectacle of governance so profound, so awe-inspiring, it could only come from the hallowed halls of Washington, D.C. A crisis, entirely predictable and marked on the calendar years in advance, is now upon us. And our elected leaders are treating…