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Read more: Peanut Butter Flip-Flop: A Parent’s Guide to Surviving Scientific WhiplashOh, Glorious. More Parenting Advice That’s as Stable as a Toddler on a Sugar High. Ah, the joys of raising a tiny human. Just when you think you’ve memorized the sacred rulebook, the “experts” shred it, print a new one, and look at you like *you’re* the crazy one for following their last set of…
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Read more: Breaking News from 2025: The Future is Canceled Due to Technical DifficultiesA Moment of Silence for the Future That Never Was Gather ’round, mortals, for I bring devastating news from the future. That glorious, opulent, 00 million ballroom set to replace the White House East Wing in 2025? The one we were all so excited to read about? Well, it seems the future has been unceremoniously…
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Read more: I Was Promised a Ballroom: A Cautionary Tale of Satire, AI, and Mass GullibilityThe White House Ballroom That Wasn’t: A Monument to Our Digital Delusion Gather ’round, dear readers, for a tale of ambition, architectural revolution, and… utter fabrication. We were on the cusp of reporting on a truly groundbreaking event: a magnificent new ballroom at the White House, a project so grand it required the complete demolition…
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Read more: EU Gently Reminds Tech Giants That ‘Rules’ Aren’t Just SuggestionsOh, How Adorable: Tech Giants Pretend to Be Confused by Laws In news that will shock absolutely no one who has spent more than five minutes online, it appears our benevolent social media overlords, Meta and TikTok, may have accidentally overlooked a few minor details in the European Union’s rulebook. The EU, in its ever-optimistic…
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Read more: Elon Musk vs. The “Corporate Terrorists”: A Modest Proposal for a Trillion-Dollar Robot Army FundA Totally Normal Disagreement Over a Trillion-Dollar Tip Jar Oh, gather ’round, mortals, and hear a tale of corporate woe, a struggle so profound it makes your quarterly performance reviews look like a garden party. Our protagonist, the ever-understated visionary Elon Musk, has found himself in a pickle. It seems some folks are questioning his…
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Read more: Louvre Upgrades Security to ‘Slightly Ajar Window’ After Donating €88 Million in Jewels to Ambitious EntrepreneursLouvre Security Proves Art Isn’t the Only Thing That’s Ancient Oh, gather ’round, mortals, for a heartwarming tale of charity and public outreach. In a stunning act of generosity, the world-renowned Louvre Museum in Paris has successfully facilitated the transfer of a modest €88 million (£76 million) in French Crown Jewels to a small, independent…
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Read more: Beyond Meat Stock Goes to the Moon, Forgets to Check if People Actually Want Plant-Based BurgersStock Market Abandons All Logic, Decides Pea Protein Is Now a Rocket Fuel Hold onto your portfolios, because the stock market has once again decided that reality is optional. Beyond Meat Inc. (BYND), a company whose stock performance was recently described as “dismal,” suddenly decided to ignite its thrusters and blast off into the stratosphere.…
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Read more: Got a Failing Business? Just Add ‘Blockchain’ for Instant Success!
Got a Failing Business? Just Add “Blockchain” for Instant Success! Oh, the relentless grind of modern capitalism. It’s tough out there. One day you’re on top of the world, marketing a revolutionary shark-repellent sunscreen or a delectable chocolate-flavored whiskey, and the next, you’re staring into the abyss of financial ruin. What’s a forward-thinking, genius entrepreneur…
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Read more: Angels Boldly Redefine ‘Experience’ By Hiring Manager Who Has None
Zero Experience? Perfect! The Angels’ Revolutionary New Hiring Strategy In a move that has the entire baseball world collectively scratching its head and checking if it’s April 1st, the Los Angeles Angels have boldly solved their leadership crisis. Their masterstroke? Hiring former catcher Kurt Suzuki as their new manager. What makes this a particularly avant-garde…
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Read more: The Day the Internet Stood Still: A Totally Not-At-All Predictable Glitch
Oh Look, the Internet Took a Personal Day. Thanks, Amazon! Gather ’round, digital natives, and listen to a harrowing tale from the not-so-distant future. I speak, of course, of the Great Digital Interruption of October 21, 2025. It was a day that will live in infamy, a day when the colossal digital entity we all…