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Read more: So You Want to Win the Hunger Games of LA 2028 Olympic Ticketing?Oh, rejoice, sports fans! The benevolent organizers of the LA 2028 Olympics have decided to bestow upon us common folk the privilege of possibly, maybe, attending their grand spectacle. For the incredibly accessible starting price of just $28, you too can have a chance to witness history! What a steal! Of course, for $28, your…
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Read more: U-Haul: The Official Vehicle of Productive Political DiscourseAh, Los Angeles. A city of sunshine, dreams, and now, apparently, the premier destination for settling political differences with a 26-foot moving truck. What began as a “peaceful” demonstration in Westwood on January 11, 2026, took a delightful turn into vehicular chaos, proving once and for all that the best way to make your point…
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Read more: A Trade War Averted! Europeans Can Now Safely Overpay for Chinese EVs.Gather ’round, disciples of the free market, and behold a miracle of modern economics! The European Union and China, after a brief and thoroughly mature tiff over electric vehicle (EV) pricing, have hugged it out. The result? A “soft landing” that averts a nasty trade war. And the landing strip, my dear readers, appears to…
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Read more: A Requiem for Retail: Goodwill’s Transformation into an Existential Obstacle CourseAh, the thrift store. A place once heralded as a beacon of sustainable fashion and a haven for the budget-conscious. But hold on to your gently-used hats, because a brave soul on Reddit has pulled back the curtain on the modern Goodwill experience, and it looks less like a quirky shop and more like the…
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Read more: Shocking News: Water is Wet and Not Great for Your Contact LensesIn groundbreaking news that will astound no one, sticking tap water in your eyes is, in fact, a bad idea. Gather ’round, dear readers, for a tale of scientific discovery so profound, so earth-shattering, that it threatens to rewrite everything we thought we knew about… basic hygiene. In an astonishing feat of human intellect, researchers…
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Read more: NASA’s Full Confidence in a Cracked Heat Shield: What Could Possibly Go Wrong?Oh, gather ‘round, space enthusiasts and connoisseurs of cosmic irony! Have I got a story for you. NASA, our favorite purveyor of giant rockets and existential dread, has taken a good, long look at the heat shield for its upcoming Artemis II moon mission and declared they have… wait for it… “full confidence.” This is,…
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Read more: Mayon Volcano: Now Featuring Extra Spicy Air and a Chance of RocksWell, gather ’round, thrill-seekers and connoisseurs of chaos, because the planet’s most aesthetically pleasing volcano is having a bit of a moment. Mayon, the stratovolcano in the Philippines known for its “almost perfect cone shape,” has decided to redecorate its surroundings with ash, rocks the size of cars, and superheated gas. How charming! Just Another…
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Read more: US to Venezuela: Your Friends Are Not on The Approved List”’ In a stunning display of “it’s not you, it’s me,” the Trump administration has reportedly advised Venezuela on how to have a better social circle. The advice is simple, really: for relations to improve, Venezuela just needs to kick out all the intelligence agents from China, Russia, Iran, and Cuba. You know, just a…
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Read more: Berlin’s “Vulkangruppe”: Saving the Planet, One Freezing Household at a TimeOh, rejoice! A round of applause for the “Vulkangruppe” (Volcano Group), our brave eco-warriors who have heroically plunged around 45,000 Berlin households and 2,000 businesses into a delightful, old-world darkness. In their infinite wisdom, they decided the best way to protest the fossil fuel industry was to set some high-voltage cables on fire, leaving tens…
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Read more: Raiders on the Brink of Greatness: A Masterclass in Losing for the #1 Draft PickCongratulations, Las Vegas Raiders, You’ve Almost Achieved Peak Failure! In a stunning display of… well, something, the Las Vegas Raiders are on the verge of clutching victory from the jaws of defeat by, you know, defeating themselves. It’s a bold strategy, Cotton, let’s see if it pays off. While every team in the NFL publicly…